On Wearing Boxers & A Bra

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An Asexual Map for Sex Positive Feminism (via fivetail)

This.

I am almost certain that I would not have been sexually abused if I hadn’t been asexual. I wouldn’t have been blindsided by the reality of sexual desire like I was, because I would have experienced it myself. I wouldn’t have been told I was a bad person for not wanting it ever, because I would have been able to say I did want it someday. I wouldn’t have felt abandoned by the people who expected me to have sexual desires when I didn’t, because I would have had them.

The way that asexuality fits into rape culture is incredibly damaging, and no one wants to talk about it because it makes the sexuals angry. If we talk about our experiences, then we’re “belittling” theirs. If we use our words, saying that what happened to us was essentially rape despite being pushed into say ‘yes’, we’re unfair to our partners.

And I am sick of it.

I am sick of sitting here and knowing that people like me are being abused because it’s okay to abuse them, and being told not to talk about their experiences because they’re too freaky to matter.

I don’t fucking care if asexuality is an “invisible” oppression, the invisibility is exactly what hurts us.

(via scar-lip)

Why I dealt with a year more of my former partner than I should have.  He was a good guy, a good friend, but he was sexual.  And here I was, with a phobia of sex and asexual, though I wasn’t really aware of asexuality at the time.  I thought you just had to have sex with someone because the world didn’t work in my favor.  After I considered it though, I knew it was wrong.  All he would want to talk about was sex, in our long-distance relationship, after a while.  And I asked him to stop so much.  But he’s get sad.  He’d just wish that he could, he didn’t *mean* to hurt me, he’s so sorry.  Then he’d forget the next day.  And it went on like this until I broke up with him.  And his jealousy continued until I rationed how much I could talk to him.  Because one of the hardest things to remember is that you deserve as much stand in the relationship as your partner/s.  It is infuriatingly difficult to even be accepted as asexual.  And I have learned that if someone loves or cares about you, they accept that.  They don’t force you into sexual contact.  This counts for things outside a romantic relationship, too though.  Of course, most basically, when you have people raping asexual people to try and “fix” them, there is a fucked up oppression that is ignored because it is done out of “love”.  Ignored because it’s impossible for someone to be asexual, they just don’t know how nice sex is, right?  The thing is, most asexuals are willing to come to a compromise because they have a strong understanding of how sexuals work from living in a world surrounded by them, a media filled with them.  And many sexuals aren’t willing to compromise much from themselves.  They often consider sex to just be a given.  After all, the world says romance means sex, right?  They only don’t sleep with you when they don’t love you.  A ridiculous idea.  …but the quote and the other commentary hit the nail head on.

(via cake-in-a-box)

The Sex Positivity movement was/is an extremely powerful force, especially around dealing with the after-affects of the Victorian Age, when you think about reproductive rights, sexual freedom, sexual expression, etc. From the wake of this was born a movement around consent, too: this idea that all people should have the power to say “yes” AND “no” regardless of any other factor. Unfortunately, it also perpetuated this idea that all people were inherently- biologically- sexual creatures. And even if they didn’t want sex now, they would want it later, or at some point in general. So when it comes to asexuality, and especially asexuals who are abstinent/celibate, there is a lot of disbelief and pressure to perform sexually regardless of what they want. Somehow, the idea of never wanting sex is something that many people in our current society can’t wrap their heads around. And that is why asexuals are so vulnerable in this capacity.

(via aiiim)